Kissing right next to my house entrance after our first date he came into my apartment from the cold street. I liked that he listened to me and let him in to wait for a taxi.
We came in, took off our coats, having a small talk about my cats. We got closer. His big mouth framed by thick lips and a wide warm tongue started building a slippery path from my left ear down my neck.
- I said I don’t wanna have sex today.
My eyes are closed. My mouth is smiling.
- I’m only kissing you. Don’t you like that?
I’ve been liking him all this time. Confident, good looking, warm eyed men with a big smile invited me to a bar on a boring Tuesday evening. Our plan to have a coffee was switched to a beer. They didn’t have coffee in that place. And don’t I like beer?
His Porter beer dark eyes were looking at me with excited animalistic intentions. We both liked Crash of Cronenberg. I considered his eyes attractive.
- Ok, now you order a taxi.
I’m trying to stay playful, calming the animal down with a smile. I don’t fight the touching. I usually like being touched.
He types his address down on the bright screen with a familiar green logo. I follow up his crooked fingers.
And should we still go to the cinema tomorrow? I like cinema.
The phone clacks on the wooden table.
- That’s it, ordered. Just like I promised, look. 5 minutes
I put my hands on his shoulders. I usually like shoulders.
He kisses me with a passion and I continue playing, feeling safer with a game less than 5 min long. I jump on top, he drags up my skirt. I feel his hands squeezing my hips.
His mouth is full of liquid, it feels like a small sexual lizard. I feel a little shaking in me and attempt to push him away.
- Why do you push me away all the time?
I should work on the decisiveness of what I exactly want. I should be more clear, and strong. Maybe I didn’t tell him strongly enough…
- I’m just playing with you!
He moves his fingers aggressively inside me. My body likes it, my mind doesn’t. I moan from sorrow, he takes it as granted. One hand is inside me, with the other one he grabs the phone.
- I’ll cancel it for now. I’ll order another one later.
Shocked how fast it was, now the game got longer and I feel like I’m losing to my own self. With half a second and 1,80 euros for canceled order he takes me to bed, taking his and my pants off.
I feel ashamed that cats have to watch me now.
He kisses my nipples, laying partially on top of my body. I feel his warmness and weight. The shaking is still there, I push him away sometimes and laugh about myself at the same time. He grabs me back, and puts fingers back in. My insides are all wet.
- I didn’t plan that today.
Don’t worry, I wont do anything that you don’t want.
Something went wrong in those families
My mother keeps silence
