Your peach& lime is ready! 

I’m taking my lemonade and sit back with a phone in my hands. This cold and sweet liquid is tickling my mouth in a fancy cafeteria full of plants while I continue swiping my feed where criminal updates and war news mix with “3 Barbie outfits for today”.

In Russia now everything is a contrast for me. Conspiracy is a part of politic talks that closely merge with esoterics and body overcare, while my hate and disapproval becomes or maybe has always been part of my love and attachment.

Yesterday we had a small karaoke party with the family I was babysitting for many years ago. The table was full of food and wine, women were giggling around till everything was perfect and finally we decided to listen to some music on still existing YouTube. 

The father of the family that has always been the most conservative for me put on Queen last concert video for HIV+ festival, where Freddie Mercury makes his famous trick with a singing audience. 

3 versions of it has passed when the family has still been discussing how great and talented artist Freddie was, and how sad it is that he passed away. About his way back though there has appeared a version that pushed me deeper into my chair swallowing my anger.

“He was a part of a hippie group where people were often having hepatitis. There had been an offer to do a vaccine to prevent the spread, and when Freddie and others got it, needles turned out to be infected with HIV, that’s how he died”

I’m not sure why exactly it suddenly made me angry after I survived 3 days of conspiracy talks, I just wanted to yell that HE WAS GAY AND HOMOPHOBIA HAS ALWAYS BEEN A HIDDEN ENGINE OF HIV SPREAD and now you love this music but it is too hard to admit that something in him is not the way it is possible for you!

I never said anything. Somehow I didn’t let it out, maybe because it was not a place, maybe because I just played a coward.

They are a part of my past that I am thankful for, even though we never shared a common life view. My love for them is a humane reciprocity to kindness and care, although many times I disagree with what they say. 

Am I still a child with them? I don’t know 
But I definitely am afraid of loosing them

“There is a whole moth storm in Yelts! There were so many insects that it was impossible to see the road in front of you”

Personal blog